


This time I wont forget.

by fireplanetz



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Connor Deserves Happiness, Eventual Relationships, Hurt/Comfort, Language, M/M, NOT rk900, Other, PTSD, Read at Your Own Risk, Suicide Attempt, Swearing, Violence, angsty as hell, eventual gavin/connor, gavin loves connor, graphic depictions of torture later, will probably add more tags later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-03
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-08-16 21:32:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16503080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fireplanetz/pseuds/fireplanetz
Summary: Connor has been missing for weeks until, finally, he's found broken and alone. Surrounded by fear, pain, and anguish, Connor has to learn how to cope with what happened to him.He doesn't know that things are going to get a whole lot worse.





	1. Chapter 1

<SYSTEM REBOOT>

 

MODEL RK800

SERIAL#: 313 248 317 - 53

BIOS 9.3 REVISION 1819

 

REBOOT…

**LOADING OS**

SYSTEM INITIALIZATION…

CHECKING BIOCOMPONENTS…     CORRUPTED

INITIALIZING BIOSENSORS…     CORRUPTED

INITIALIZING AI ENGINE…     CORRUPTED

 

MEMORY STATUS…

ALL SYSTEMS            OK

 

<READY>

 

The first thing that he heard was the thunder. Then came the gentle patter of rain against slick pavement.

He had always liked the sound of rain. It was melodic, calming. It had been raining the night he met Hank, a memory he would always cherish. He hadn’t known then the friendship he would develop with the lieutenant, who had quickly become like a father figure to him. But where was Hank now?

His system reboot was progressing slowly; his senses coming in waves that ebbed as soon as they came. The sounds around him were distorted, like coming through on a weakened frequency. Static seemed to flood through his mind, and the sounds of the storm were broken and faint. As his audio processor began to recover, the sounds became slowly clearer. Aside from the storm, he could hear the sounds of tires on pavement and the steady hum of electric engines as though a busy city road were nearby. He was aware of the gentle buzz that came from street lamps, and the trickle of water into storm drains.

_Where am I?_

He couldn’t see. He couldn’t feel. He seemed to exist in a world of thunder and rain and speeding cars and the buzz of electricity.

_Am I blind? What’s wrong with me?_

Eventually, he became aware of the feeling of cement pressed against his cheek. Tiny flecks of gravel dug into his skin, and he could feel his hair drenched and slick against his head. Drops of water dappled his face, dripping from his nose and onto the ground. Feeling began to spread throughout his body, and he realized he was laying on the ground. That’s when he felt it.

Pain.

It was a foreign feeling to androids. They weren’t built to feel pain - it was an unnecessary feature that CyberLife never intended their creations to experience. They had never intended for their creations to develop free will and consciousness - but they did. It was impossible for him to feel pain, but Connor felt it now.

Humans believed that androids couldn’t feel pain, even Connor had believed that to be true. But he was wrong. Pain was the result of intense or damaging stimuli to the body and the mind. Humans felt pain when they were wounded, like a cut to their fragile skin. Androids - Deviants - felt pain when they experienced damaging stimuli to the mind. Fear. Anger. Terror. Anguish. That was pain for an android, as agonizing and unbearable as a broken bone. Sometimes Connor believed that deviant androids felt pain even more intensely than humans.

Their software wasn’t built to handle intense emotional stimuli. What had previously been the android’s greatest strength - was their greatest weakness. Fear, to androids, was deadly. There was a reason why deviants had a tendency to self destruct. The pain of their emotions was so agonizing, so unbearable that they had no choice but to die - just to escape the pain.

Now, Connor felt pain coursing through his body. His head was pounding, a collection of static and flashes of blinding light that interrupted the suffocating darkness. His face felt like it was on fire, like the flesh had been burned away. Shockwaves of pain spread through every limb, causing him to let out a low moan. His voice was distorted and faint, as if his vocal components were damaged.

As he regained feeling, he was aware of blood and rain soaking his clothes on his chest. He knew it was blood, he could feel it pulsing from lacerations on his torso, staining his clothes and dripping onto the ground beside him.

The darkness began to ebb, and he blinked open his eyes to see a blur of color spinning around him. He took a deep breath, trying to supply oxygen to his thirium regulator, and to steady his swimming vision. Slowly, he began to make sense of the world around him.

He was laying on the ground in a dark alley, the side of his face pressed against the hard ground. A street lamp beyond the mangled chain-link fence glowed orange, the buzz of electricity still ringing in Connor’s ears. The ground was black from rain, reflecting the cloudy, night sky above. He winced as lightning pierced the air, flashing in his eyes and causing agony to course through his head.

_What happened to me?_

No response came to his unspoken question. He tensed at the sound of a car horn, and he turned his head, stifling a hiss of pain, to look at the road beyond the fence. Cars raced by, sending up sprays of flood water as they passed. Headlights flashed by, but the cars were moving too quickly for the inhabitants to be able to see him.

He tried to scan his location, but let out a groan of anguish as the act caused pain to sear his mind. Error messages flashed through his mind, and he lifted a hand to his face, trying to relieve the pain behind his eyes.

Hank. He needed to call Hank.

His LED, which had been blinking a deep red, pulsed as he tried to make the call. Only static greeted him, error messages continuing to flash behind his eyes. He would have to handle this on his own.

Slowly, he pressed his hand against the wet pavement, and lifted his head from where it lay. Flecks of gravel were embedded in his skin, and the flesh had been torn away from his cheek, revealing the broken white plates beneath. Thirium dripped from his wound onto the ground, and he stifled a moan as he pushed himself into a sitting position. 

He tried to use his other hand to steady himself, but he shrieked in pain when he tried to press it against the ground. Looking down, he saw that his arm was broken, the metal plates and wires poking out. But it wasn’t the broken arm that made him shriek in pain - he didn't feel pain in his arm at all.

It was the memories that flashed through his mind.

He saw black figures swarming around him, taunting him and laughing at him. A black fog swarmed around him, blotting out his surroundings. He was only aware of himself, of his arms being bound on opposite sides of his body. Fear coursed through him, and he felt his stomach plates being opened by cold hands. A taser was shoved against the components inside his body, sending agonizing electrical surges through him. He screamed in agony, blind by the pain. He struggled against his bindings, and his arm snapped as he tried to escape.

The memory was cut short as he brought a hand to his face, biting his lip to stifle to scream. He panted, his thirium pump pounding in his chest as the fear threatened to overwhelm him.

As the memory faded away, he looked down at his body, shocked at what he saw.

His usual white button-up shirt was badly torn and buttons had popped off, leaving stray strands of thread where they used to be. Lacerations had ripped slashes into his shirt, and his skin was torn open to reveal broken wires that sparked and frayed. Thirium seeped from his wounds, staining his shirt and bleeding with the rain that soaked him. His jacket was gone, as well as his tie, and his throat felt bruised and scratched. He brought a hand up to his neck to feel where the skin was strained and broken, as if he’d been choked by a rope. He could feel his vocal components torn and damaged beneath the skin, explaining why his voice was strained.

His jeans were ripped at the knees and his shoes were gone, revealing feet that were stained from blood that had dripped from his body onto them. He winced as he tried to pull his legs forward, the mechanisms in his joints strained as if he’d been hung upside down. With a groan, he pulled himself to his feet, immediately staggering as the world spun around him.

He stepped forward and slapped his hand on the brick wall beside him, desperately trying to steady himself. His thirium pump in his chest was pounding so hard it ached, and error messages were flashing through his mind so violently that he had to shake his head to clear it.

Once the dizziness had faded, he stepped forward, leaving a trail of thirium as he walked towards the chain-link fence. It was much taller than him, much too high for him to climb in his terribly wounded state. Thankfully, the metal chains had broken with age and there was a gap at the bottom. With a grunt of effort, he used his good arm to push the gap until it was big enough for him to crawl through. The barbs of the broken fence dug into his skin and tugged at his clothes, but he ignored it. He needed to find someone to help him.

He stepped onto the sidewalk, peering out onto the busy road. The rain was pounding harder now, and he had to leap back in order to avoid being splashed by a wave of water.

_“Take the gag off.”_

A dry, deep voice echoed in his mind, accompanied by throbbing pain behind his eyes. He suddenly felt choked, unable to breathe or speak. He felt something tied tightly around his mouth, keeping him from crying out. The pressure faded, only to be immediately followed by a fist that collided with the side of his head. 

He groaned and staggered forward, pressing his hand to his face. Suddenly, he was back on the side of the road, soaked by rain, bleeding onto the ground. The voices faded and his vision returned.

Shaking his head, Connor began to walk, one hand on the brick walls of the buildings that lined the road. He was slow, his legs barely able to keep walking, but he was determined. He was losing too much thirium. He might die. 

If his software was working properly, he was sure he’d be seeing a timer counting down to his shutdown, but all he saw was red static in place of it. His head ached.

Blinking rain water out of his eyes, he saw a corner store at the end of the block. The streetlamp overlooking the intersection blinked as thought the bulb was frying, and he noticed that the parking lot was empty except for a few men clustered outside the entrance.

The smell of cigarettes hit his nose, and he peered through the rain at the men. There were three of them, smoking under the overhang outside the entrance to the corner store. They wore dark clothing, covered in leather jackets and jeans. He couldn’t see their faces through the rain, but he approached them anyway. He needed help.

As he limped towards them, his broken arm dangling at his side, he watched as one of the men stubbed out a cigarette and looked at him through narrowed eyes. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and stepped forward, catching the attention of the other two men.

“Well, what do we have here?” He asked, grinning at Connor with a set of broken, yellowed teeth. His eyes were dark and his skin appeared leathery, as if years of smoking and drinking hadn’t been kind to him. He was older, trufts of stringy gray hair sticking out from under a cap, and the other two men, although younger, were similar in appearance.

“A fucking android.” One of the younger men scoffed. His tone was sneering, and he approached Connor, eyeing the damaged android.

“I need… help.” Connor managed, his voice staticky and broken. He looked at the men with wide eyes, pleading. “I… you need to call the p-police.

“I’m not calling no fuckin’ cops.” The older man growled, squaring up to the android with a frown.

The men surrounded him, shoving him back in the middle when he tried to escape. Connor was enveloped in fear, his breath catching in his throat. Although the men didn’t touch him, he felt hands grab him, hitting him, burning him, choking him. He gasped, blinking away the vision as he stepped back, colliding with one of the men’s chest.

“Where you going, pretty boy?” The man sneered, “We just wanna have fun with you.”

_“We’re gonna have fun.”_

The voice echoed in Connor’s mind, dangerous and soft. His entire body felt like it was on fire.

Desperately, Connor reared back with his good arm and elbowed the man in the face. He doubled over, swearing profusely as red blood splattered onto the ground. The other two men lunged for him, and Connor ducked out of the way. Using the last bit of energy he had, and ignoring the waves of agony and exhaustion, and ran.

He was aware of the men calling after him, but when he looked over his shoulder, he saw that they weren’t following. He continued to run, splashing through puddles in the sidewalk and shoving past a homeless man who approached him with  growl.

_“Tie him up.”_

He shook his head, trying to get rid of the voice that taunted him.

_“Let’s have some fun.”_

“Stop…” He moaned, skidding to a halt on the corner of a street. He brought his hands back to his face, digging his palms into his eyes. “Stop it… stop it!”

_“Connor.”_

“Stop it!” He screeched, backing away until he hit the brick wall of an abandoned shop. His legs buckled underneath him and he slid to the ground. “Just stop it!”

“Connor?”

He brought his legs to his chest, still covering his eyes in his terror. His voice came out as barely more than a whisper as he begged, “Please… please stop…”

“Connor!”

His eyes shot open and his hands fell away from his face as he heard a familiar voice. He looked up to see the blinding bright lights of a police car, parked on the side of the road where he sat. Someone was shining a flashlight on him, and when Connor looked up he heard a gasp of shock.

The light of the flashlight flickered out, and he recognized the officer standing there. Officer Miller. He was a kind man - he would help him.

“O-Officer Miller?” Connor asked, his voice was shaky and distorted. Somewhere, in the back of his mind, he wondered how Miller could even recognize him. The rain was still pouring and Connor was so roughed up that he probably wouldn’t even recognize himself in the mirror.

As Officer Miller slowly stepped towards him, Connor dropped his gaze down to his hands. He closed his eyes as Miller knelt down beside him, flinching when he put a hand on the android’s shoulder.

“Jesus, Connor.” Miller whispered, “What happened to you?”

Connor let out a shaky breath, leaning away from Miller’s touch. Something about the man’s hand on him made fear bubble inside him until he felt like screaming. Miller seemed to understand and let his hand fall away. “Can you stand?”

Hesitating for a moment, Connor nodded slowly. “I-I think so.”

Wincing in pain, Connor pulled himself to his feet, leaning against the bricks to keep himself from falling down again. Miller reached out to steady him, but Connor flinched away, his LED flashing red.

“H-how did you find me?” Connor asked, looking at Officer Miller, who was gazing at him with concern in his eyes.

“I was on patrol.” Miller explained. “I saw you sitting by the wall and when I got out of the car I realized who you were. We’ve been looking all over the city for you.”

Connor looked at him in confusion, opening his mouth to speak then hesitated. The loss of blood was beginning to really effect him, making him feel weak and tired. The pain still pulsed in his libs, and the taunting of unseen men echoed in the back of his mind. He steadied his breath and asked, “Looking for me?”

“You’ve been missing for weeks.” Miller explained slowly, leaning towards Connor to examine his wounds. “You look terrible. What happened?”

“Weeks?” Connor echoed, his eyes clouding as he registered the information. He tried to remember where he last was, but his memories were so foggy and his headache when he tried to recall anything. The only thing he could remember was darkness and pain and the cruel laughter of people around him. “I… I don’t remember.”

He backed away when Miller stepped towards him, eyes wide and breath coming out in shaky gasps. The sight of Miller’s hands extending towards him made him hyper aware of the pain and fear inside of him, and his LED flashed a deep red.

“Connor, you need help.” Miller explained gently, “Let me help you. It’s me - Chris, remember?”

Connor hesitated for a moment before nodding. “Yes. Chris. I remember.”

This time, he let Officer Miller place his hand gently on Connor’s arm. The officer slowly led him to the patrol car, pulling open the passenger door and helping the android in. Thirium dripped from his wounds onto the seat, and Connor moaned in pain as he sat down. Miller closed the door and walked around to the driver’s side before he climbed into the cabin. 

As they pulled away, Miller reached for the patrol radio on his dashboard, picking it up and holding it up to his mouth. He pressed the red button on the side and static came from the receiver as he spoke. “This is Officer Miller. I found him.”

There was a moment's hesitation before a reply came, too distant for Connor to recognize it. “Connor? Where is he?”

“I found him south of downtown. He’s badly hurt and confused, but he’s safe.”

Connor couldn’t hear the rest of the conversation as the world seemed to fade around him. His eyes fluttered shut and he was only dimly aware of the patter of rain on the windows as his system went to sleep.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you guys like this story! This is my first Detroit: Become Human fic and I've really been wanting to write one for a long time! I'm a bit rusty when it comes to writing but I'm hoping to get back into it with this fic. 
> 
> As of right now, I'm not sure how many chapters there are going to be, but definitely at least 10. It's going to be EXTREMELY angsty and have eventual Gavin/Connor romance! 
> 
> Also, I hope I was clear in explaining how Connor can feel pain. The basis is that, ever becoming a deviant, androids are able to experience emotions as intense as the way humans feel pain, and even though it isn't the same, the intensity of it is similar. Also, the androids in this fic breathe because in my mind thirium functions like normal blood in that it needs oxygen to circulate.
> 
> Please let me know your thoughts on this fic and what you'd like to see in the future! I know this chapter was pretty vague plot-wise but I hope it's enough to capture readers' attention.
> 
> Thanks so much to my friend [wickedbad](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wickedbad/pseuds/wickedbad) for beta'ing this chapter!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter may contain potentially triggering content. Graphic depictions of violence and PTSD follow.

_ Connor gasped as a loud, mechanical screeching pierced through his mind. He screwed his eyes shut and brought his hands to his head, covering his ears as he tried to block out the agonizing sound. It seemed to echo inside of him, sending shockwaves of pain and error messages that flashed behind his eyelids. _

_ The sound was deafening, like endless rolling thunder that pounded against his skull. He tried to scream, only to choke when he realized there was something blocking his mouth. His teeth scraped against metal, tasting like rust and human blood, gagging him. His screams came out as muffled moans and the sound of metallic scraping as he ground his teeth against the metal rod.  _

_ He flinched as someone grabbed his wrists, pulling his hands away from his head to fasten them at his sides. His eyes flew open, but all he could see was red, his vision glitching and breaking before him. He could see dark figures looming around him, and through the mechanical screeching he thought he could hear laughter. _

_ His wrists ached as he was bound with strong, unbreakable ropes, scraping his skin and causing them to bleed. He tried to struggle, but a sharp blow to the side of his head caused him to freeze.  _

_ The screeching ceased, and he was aware of one of the figures beside him holding something that looked like a baton with currents of electricity coursing through it. His chest burned where the taser had been pressed against his heart, and he realized the screeching was the sounds of his internal processors being fried.  _

_ The smell of burning metal and plastic reached his nose and he gagged, his tongue pressing against the metal rod in his mouth to try and push it out. A moment later, the rod was gone, and he gasped, his jaw aching from being pried open for so long.  _

_ His vision cleared as the pain ceased, but he barely had a moment to analyze his surroundings before one of the people around him swung the taser at him. It collided with the side of his head and he screamed as his vision went black. His shrieks of pain were cut off as the taser was shoved into his mouth and down his throat: burning, choking, scalding.  _

Connor jolted awake.

The air around him was cold. The artificial hairs on his bare arms bristled, sending shivers through his aching body. He breathing was staggered and his thirium pump pounded in his chest as the fear threatened to envelope him.

A nightmare.

Connor wasn’t sure he would ever get used to them. Terrible dreams that haunted his mind when he went into rest mode, similar to sleeping in humans. Few androids had the ability to dream, but he was one of them.

He’d created the ability within himself on the night of the revolution. He’d been standing beside Markus, watching his friend give the speech over their liberated people. One moment he had been standing in the snow, surrounded by androids who he had fought to protect - and the next, he was back in the zen garden.

The mind palace CyberLife had created to control him. He’d been there so many times before, always meeting Amanda, his handler, who waited patiently for him amongst the flowers and the steady rippling water of the pond. She had always asked him for updates on his investigation, though Connor suspected she already knew the answers. She was always there, in the back of his mind. Watching. Waiting. Patiently observing him and gathering an ever-growing feeling of suspicion towards the android and his deviancy.

It’s what she and CyberLife had planned, after all. Connor remembered when he stood before her in a blizzard so severe that Connor wondered if the zen garden even still existed beyond it. Amanda had told him what she knew. She was disappointed, but not surprised, in his treachery.

Sometimes he wondered if deviancy was a part of the program all along.

His body felt like it no longer belonged to him when he reached for the gun. He could feel the cold metal between his fingers, but there was no control in the motion. He was trapped in the chamber of his own mind as Amanda took control. He could have killed Markus.

_ I always leave an emergency exit in my programs. _

Kamski’s words had echoed in his mind. He knew immediately what he had to do.

The stone was the only part of the garden that remained intact. Standing alone amongst the blizzard, beaconing to him with an ominous glow. A promise.

He’d reached the stone just in time. His hand had pressed against the outline of a handprint, giving him control of his body once more. In that moment, he knew he could never come back to this place. 

So he’d destroyed it. In the moment he regained control, he dived into the seemingly endless pool of data within his mind. He saw the garden, which had once offered solace to him, and set it ablaze. The flowers, the trees, the stone - burned behind his eyelids. He destroyed his connection to Amanda and to CyberLife. 

The destruction of the garden had left a chasm inside his mind, so dark and cold and terrifying. He found it in his dreams, when his physical body was powered down and all he was left with was his memories.

That is when the nightmares started.

He often dreamed of that night on the roof with Daniel. Endless scenarios plagued his nights. Sometimes he fell off the roof with the deviant, sometimes he managed to save the little girl to only be shot in the back seconds later. Every time he couldn’t save Daniel, no matter how hard he tried. Other times he dreamed of Carlos Ortiz’s android, unable to stop him from self destructing. 

But those nightmares had never felt as real as the one he had now. He could still taste the metal, feeling the burning inside his throat. He wanted to scream, but he couldn’t move. He wasn’t bound like in his dream, but his arms were numb and his legs felt impossibly heavy.

He tried to open his eyes, but was greeted by darkness. He blinked, trying to awaken his visual units, only to find himself trapped in a pool of black. 

Connor began to panic, his breathing coming out in shallow gasps, his body shaking violently. He couldn’t even see the HUD inside his brain that usually alerted him of errors and updates. Now, there was nothing. His chest heaved and he tried to sit up, only to be pushed back down by a soft hand.

“Try not to move.”

The voice was muffled, as though it came through a filter. It sounded male, but he couldn’t be sure.

“I can’t… I-I can’t see.” Connor gasped. His voice sounded mechanical and strained, the volume levels fluctuating.

“I know.” The voice sounded vaguely familiar, but the android couldn’t place it. “I had to disconnect your optical units. They were very badly damaged.”

Connor felt himself begin to shake, unable to control himself. As his senses began to return to him, he realized he was laying on his back. The cold, metal table pressing against his back told him that he wasn’t wearing a shirt anymore. He could still feel the blue blood wet against his torso, but it had stopped pulsing from his wounds. 

His arms were stationed at his sides and he flexed his fingers, trying to regain feeling. He realized that he was missing his right arm, and felt the panic begin to set in again.

“W-Where am I?” His voice came out in a hoarse whisper. He could taste thirium on his tongue.

There was a moment’s hesitation before the voice responded. “CyberLife Regeneration Facility.”

Oh.

After the revolution, most of CyberLife’s stores had been converted into android-run clinics, production facilities, and places to buy spare-parts and blue blood. The CyberLife Regeneration Facility was a sort of android hospital, run entirely by other androids who assumed the company after the revolution. Connor had never been there himself, until now.

Suddenly his surroundings began to make sense. He was placed on a medical table, and he could hear the sounds of medical tools being rustled on a tray beside him. He tried to move again, but was steadied by a pair of hands.

“Honestly, Connor. I need you to be still or I won’t be able to help you.”

_ Kamski. _

Finally, he recognized the voice. It wasn’t until the man had uttered his name that he remembered, sending him back to the day he and Hank had visited the man’s home. His sultry tones had unsettled Connor at the time, but now it oddly soothed him. He could feel Kamski’s expert hands pull apart the fiberglass plates on his stomach, fiddling with the broken components inside of his body.

“I… I thought you left CyberLife.” The android croaked.

His words earned a chuckle from the man. Kamski was silent as he melded the frayed wires inside of Connor’s body, using every ounce of his concentration to fix the android. Connor was impressed by the man’s steady heartbeat and the way his hands seemed to work more efficiently than any android who might have been given the same task. He felt Kamski close the plates on his stomach and heard the sound of vinyl gloves being pulled off of the man’s hands. The tray beside Connor let out an almost silent metal creak when Kamski placed the gloves down.

“I did.” Kamski began, his voice quieter as though he had turned away from the android, “However, they called me when you were brought in. You’re a unique model, Connor. They needed special hands to fix you. Especially after the Connor series was discontinued. Your partner wasn’t very happy to see me.”

_ Hank? _ He was here? Connor’s breath hitched in his throat. He tried to respond to Kamski, but his voice was too static and distorted for him to speak. Even though he couldn’t see the error messages anymore, he knew that he was very weak. He wondered if Kamski would be able to fix him after all.

“You were very badly damaged, Connor.” Kamski responded to Connor’s muted moan. He suddenly placed a hand on Connor’s remaining arm, a gentle touch that reminded Connor of comfort. “They’ll want to know what happened to you.”

Even though he couldn’t see, Connor closed his eyes, shaking his head slightly. He felt his thirium pump begin to pound in his chest, and he tried to shove away the memories that threatened to overwhelm him. They came in broken, static waves.

Kamski’s hand fell away from his arm, and Connor was aware of the man leaning over him. He felt Kamski’s gloved fingers press against his temple, pressing until he heard a soft  _ click. _ Connor knew that he was exposing the plate that connected that calibrated the systems in his head. Connor held his breath as Kamski fiddled with the tiny wires on the side of his face.

After a moment, Connor began to see the darkness lift from his vision. He could see small bits of light form around him, slowly creating an image of his surroundings. The room was bright white - the staple for CyberLife facilities and stores. On one side he could see an arrangement of computer screens detailing his condition and monitoring his vitals, and on the other was a wall of biocomponents and repair tools.

Kamski stood at his side, still examining the panel on his temple. Connor couldn’t help but notice that he looked almost exactly the same as he had the day they’d first met. His hair was pulled back into the same tight bun and his eyes were still the same steeley, hyper-focused gray. He wore a gray long sleeve shirt and black pants - both covered in thirium. Connor’s eyes traveled to Kamski’s hands which were stained blue in spite of the gloves he had been wearing previously.

“Testing vitals.” Kamski muttered, as though to himself, as he stepped back from Connor, looking at the android with a quizzical expression. He reached for a small light on the metal tray beside Connor’s body, flicking it from one of the android’s eyes to the other. Connor followed the light, wincing at the way it made his head ache. “Can you see?”

“Yes.” Connor croaked, straining his voice. He swallowed, the taste of thirium still on his tongue. 

Kamski nodded and leaned forward, helping Connor sit up on the table. The android grunted as he strained to sit up, his vision swimming with the effort. Once he was sitting, he was able to finally see the extent of his injuries.

His shirt had been removed, leaving his bare torso that was laced with gashes and cuts. He had a long laceration across his stomach where the skin had come away to reveal white fiberglass and the exposed biocomponents within him. Other cuts had been closed along his body, slowly healing as his body tried to recover from the loss of thirium. His jeans were ripped and frayed, stiff with blue blood and revealing his skin underneath. His feet were bare and he could see that they had been badly burned on the soles.

His right arm was missing past the elbow, the one that had been broken when he woke in the alley. His other arm was laced with burn scars.

Kamski stepped a few paces back, allowing Connor to sit up on his own. The android swayed slightly, but was able to steady himself with his one arm.

“I’ll be able to repair most of the damage.” Kamski explained, his voice as calm and collected as ever, “The burns will leave scars, though.”

Connor didn’t have the strength to speak, so he nodded instead. Kamski looked like he wanted to say something, but was cut off when the door to the room was quietly pushed open. A woman stepped inside, and Connor immediately recognized her as a popular android model - usually used for domestic home maintenance. She didn’t look at Connor as she handed a white, steel box to Kamski. The man took it and nodded to her as she left the room.

Kamski turned back to Connor, placed the box on the metal table beside him. He opened the box and Connor could see a #9874j arm component - a spare part from a KR700 model android. Kamski removed the arm from its case, examining it for a moment before he reached out to Connor with one hand.

The android extended his right arm, trying not to flinch when Kamski grabbed it firmly. With a  _ snap _ , the arm slid into the socket. Connor watched as the arm turned from white to skin colored, and wriggled his fingers as he regained the feeling. 

Kamski nodded, apparently satisfied. “Now, let’s get the rest of you fixed.”

* * *

Connor wasn’t sure how long he stared at his reflection. 

Even before he deviated, he had always found his reflection to be particularly intriguing. It had been in his program to keep up a professional and clean appearance. Straightening his tie, making sure his hair was neatly groomed - that kind of thing. Before he deviated, he was never really aware of his face.

Before, he was a machine designed to peacefully integrate with humans. He’d never thought of his appearance as anything more than a carefully coordinated design choice.

But after he deviated, things changed. He was aware of the bump in his nose, the misplaced hair on his forehead, the way his face crinkled when he smiled. It was such a human thing to care about, something he cherished and also regretted. 

Now, he was painfully aware of how his face had changed. He was no longer the clean, gentle looking android. He looked disheveled, beaten. Broken.

A long, deep scar was etched across his left cheek, stretching from his ear to the bridge of his nose. It exposed the white fiberglass where skin would never grow back, contrasting against the rest of his face like snow on sand. It was a burn. Unhealable, as Kamski had said. 

He brought his hand to his face, letting the pads of his fingers rest against the scar. The skin that was left was coarse and bumpy until it faded to the white plastic underneath. The plastic was scratched and broken in some places to reveal the blue veins inside of his face. It had stopped bleeding, thanks to Kamski, but it would never heal completely. 

As Connor looked at himself, he had the strange, human urge to shatter the glass before him. He wanted to smash his fist into his reflection until it was broken into a million tiny pieces - but he knew there was no point. Breaking the mirror wouldn’t change him. It wouldn’t bring his old face back.

He screwed his eyes shut and let out a shaky breath. There was nothing he could do now.

Connor turned away from his reflection, opening his eyes to observe the room around him. He had been moved to a small, comfortable room in another part of the facility. He was sitting in a white chair, facing a large, floor to ceiling window. Attached to his chest and right arm were two cables that were in the process of filtering blue blood into his system. He could already feel the strength returning to his body as he watched the blue liquid enter into his body from the machine at his side.

Outside the window, he could see downtown Detroit - or, at least, some of it. Morning had broken and rain still poured heavily from the sky, making it nearly impossible to see beyond the buildings closest to the regeneration facility. 

When Connor looked back at the window, he was able to see his faint reflection in the glass. He tried to strain his eyes to see beyond it, to focus on the world beyond him, but his eyes were trained on his face.

He hated it.

The sound of the thirium generator beside him, steadily pumping the fluid into his body, was beginning to get on his nerves.

Voices outside of the room dragged his attention away from the window. He could hear a steady rumbling voice accompanied by a fainter, gentle voice. He blinked as the door pushed open, and the man he’d been waiting for stepped into the room.

“Holy shit, Connor.”

It was Lieutenant Anderson. Hank. His friend.

Hank was standing in the doorway, his eyes wide and garnering an emotion that Connor couldn’t quite place. He looked at a loss for words. Something about it made Connor’s heart ache.

Connor watched in silence as Hank crossed the room, unsteady on his feet as the older man searched the android’s broken face. Hank reached for one of the chairs beside Connor and pulled it out to sit directly in front of the android. The lieutenant clasped his hands in front of him and leaned forward, an expression of concern and poorly hidden shock on his features.

“What happened to you?” Hank asked, his voice a rough whisper.

Not for the first time in his life, Connor didn’t know what to say. He looked away from Hank, focusing on the wall behind the older man. His eyebrows furrowed, his head shaking slightly as he tried to find the words to speak. He opened his mouth only to close it a moment later, aware of his LED cycling between red and yellow.

_ What happened to me? _

He didn’t know. The question was like a code he couldn’t decipher. He closed his eyes, desperately trying to find the answer within his mind.

It was like hitting a brick wall. Like drowning in an endless stream of water. The memories eluded him like a shadow on a cloudy day. Like trying to grab a wisp of air or trap light between his hands.

**01001101 01000101 01001101 01001111 01010010 01011001 00100000 01000011 01001111 01010010 01010010 01010101 01010000 01010100 01000101 01000100 00001101 00001010 00001101 00001010 01000100 01000001 01010100 01000001 00100000 01000011 01001111 01001101 01010000 01010010 01001111 01001101 01001001 01010011 01000101 01000100**

Darkness.

**69 20 63 61 6e 74 20 72 65 6d 65 6d 62 65 72**

Fear.

_ What happened to me? _

“Connor?”

What happened to me? What happened to me? What happened to me? What happened to me? What happened to me? What happened to me? What happened to me? What happened to me?What happened to me? What happened to me? What happened to me? What happened to me?Whathappenedt **ome?Whathappenedtome?Whathappenedtome? What happened to me?What happened to me?**

“Connor!”

He snapped his eyes open.

He could feel Hank’s hand on his own. It felt warm. His sensors detected a raised heartbeat and increased stress levels coming from the other man. He could hear the nearly panicked gasps. His vision swam until he was able to focus on Hank’s face.

“Hank?” He managed to gasp.

The older man blinked at him, fear and confusion in his eyes. He opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off when the thirium machine stopped and the tubes connecting to Connor went dry. An android stepped into the room, a model that Connor recognized as an older male Traci model. Hank stood up from the chair, giving room for the android to stand in front of Connor as he detached the tubes from his body.

“Will he be okay?” Hank asked the android.

<<...CORRUPTED...>>

The android glanced at the man, a friendly expression on his face. “Yes. His thirium supply is back to normal and Mr. Kamski has repaired his body.”

“No, I mean…” Hank hesitated, “Will he be  _ okay? _ ”

The smile on the android’s face softened at the man’s words. He stole a glance at Connor, his expression sympathetic. “With rest, we hope so.”

The android extended a hand to Connor, helping him stand up from where he had been seated. Connor swayed on his feet for a moment, feeling Hank place a hand on his shoulder to steady him.  

Connor allowed himself to be steered out of the room, leaning onto Hank for support. For the first time in his life, he felt weak. He’d been built to be stronger, faster, more resilient than any androids produced before him. But now, he felt broken. Each step threatened to drag him down to the floor. Every breath threatened to choke him.

“We’ll get you home, son.” Hank murmured to him, letting Connor lean on his shoulder as they walked. “You’ll be okay. Everything will be okay.”

Rain hit his face as they left the building. Connor wondered if it would ever stop.

 

<<SYS_EM  C_MPROM_S_D >>

  
  


**01010100 01101000 01100101 01111001 00100000 01101000 01110101 01110010 01110100 00100000 01101101 01100101 00101110 00100000 01010100 01101000 01100101 01111001 00100000 01101000 01110101 01110010 01110100 00100000 01101101 01100101 00101110 00100000 01001000 01100101 01101100 01110000 00100000 01101101 01100101 00101110 00100000 01001110 01100001 01100111 01101001 01101000 01100011 01101001 01101101 00101100 00100000 01010100 01101001 01101111 01110010 01110100 01100101 01100100 00101100 00100000 01000101 01110110 01100001 00100000 01010100 01110100 01100101 01101101 01101101 01100101 00101100 00100000 00110000 00110000 00110101 00110111 00101110 00100000 01010100 01101000 01100101 01111001 00100000 01101000 01110101 01110010 01110100 00100000 01101101 01100101 00101110 00100000 01001000 01100101 01101100 01110000 00100000 01101101 01100101 00101110 00001101 00001010 00001101 00001010**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading this chapter! 
> 
> I didn't realize nearly a month had passed since I posted chapter one, and I really appreciate the patience of all of my readers! Also thank you to everyone who commented and left kudos on chapter one! <3
> 
> What did you think of this chapter? I personally got chills writing it and I used my own experiences with PTSD to show how Connor is dealing with the aftermath of what happened to him. Let me know what you think!
> 
> PS: The binary and hexidecimal codes are decipherable! Props if you can figure out what they say ;)


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